Untitled 581

Well, yes! I deeply think I didn't came to this world to make friends, and of course I have some, still I've lost many valuable friends, I hate being polite to must people, some of them made me hate the world as it is, some others pushed me to hate everything about them at some point I would even hate their grand childrens, though I enjoy the company of some people, I may be must of the time filled with uncomfort while near of a stranger, people is so sweet so mean so naive so filled with malice, today I am tired of the world or kind of, I really wish like I able to have a deep friendship with somebody, still I think that deep relationships sometimes are so stressful, people in general is complicated, when did we bacame so complicated?, In general I would describe myself as a person that haven't find the way to communicate myself in the proper way, I would called myself an observer, feelings really confused me, it may be because I think, they doesn't allowed you to think well. I remember that when I was a child I felt ashame when I found myself having lovely feelings, though I remember having the idea of missing and wanting someone I could open myself, someone I enjoyed the simple state of being, a simple touch used to filled me with and intensive feel of disgust. I'm still confused about the ways of interact within people, I am so complicated, I am so envious, so rancorous, so filled with unreal ideas, whishes, desires, how can I even undestand myself? I haven't felt this way yesterday, which things detonates negative thoughts in the human brain, I think I won't feel this way tomorrow. I missed being able of wasting my whole time doing nothing...